Dear Dad (There Are Changes Afoot)

Dear Dad,

Someone told me earlier this year that change is just a fact of life, that everything changes eventually, so we just have to accept it and roll with the punches. Sometimes however, these changes are easier to accept than others. Some change is easy, for the better. Others are harder, more painful to bear. But they are all a part of life. It seems like there’s a lot of change going on in my life right now, some bigger than others.

One of the first changes going on in my life at the moment is in my job. I think I told you recently that I had a new job in a museum, right? Well it was only a temporary contract, one that was only for a few months, however now it’s been made into a permanent contract. It’s the same job, the same hours, the same position. The only difference now is that I no longer have the stress of trying to find a new job in a few weeks. You’d love where I’m working, we’re getting a full-size spitfire for a little while. I’m very excited about that, I blame you and all our trips to Elvington as a child.

The second little change is that I’ve started going to the gym after work. It’s one of those weird things you end up doing when you sign up to run a charity 10 miles and then realise you’re incredibly unfit. Don’t laugh, but I’m actually kind of enjoying. I’ve signed up for a ton of classes and it’s so incredibly hard, but it also makes it slightly less tortuous. That combined with running and watching what I eat means that I’m actually starting to see some results, which is definitely helping my motivation to stick at it.

That’s pretty much it for all the small changes in my life, the rest of them are considerably bigger. The first big change I’ve got going on is one that has been happening for a while, but now it feels like things are finally coming together. The house you lived in? Well it stood empty for a bit after you died, but then it was decided that it made sense to renovate it so that I could live in it for a bit whilst I got settled and saved up enough money to travel. Even though I’m talking about accepting change, I know part of it is that I’m just not ready to let go just yet.

It’s almost at a point now though where moving in actually looks imminent rather than a “someday, hopefully soon.” It’s both exciting and slightly terrifying. I do wish I’d done a full set of before and after photos just so that I had that comparison, I have a couple here and there but nothing major. It’s hard sometimes to see progress when you’re doing little bits at a time.

I did however have a friend come to help the other day who hasn’t been to the house in about three years. As soon as she walked through the door she said “Wow. This place looks different.” She got the full house tour, and even though it’s not complete yet it’s starting to feel more finished. It’s feeling less like your home and more like mine. I reckon there will always be parts of the house that remind me of you, but the changes make it easier to bear, make it less overwhelming.

The biggest change though? Fabian has just left for university for the very first time. The little brainbox managed to get in to St. Andrews. You’d be so damn proud of him. I know I am. It’s slightly scary though, it feels like no time at all since I was starting university as a naïve, innocent, and baby-faced fresher. Now it’s Fabian’s turn, though I think he’s less naïve, innocent, and baby-faced than I was at 18. Then again, I’m still ridiculously baby faced at 23.

I bought him a hip flask for his going away present. I knew it would be something you would approve of him having. I figured that if you’re not here to corrupt him and be a terrible influence on him then at least I should try keep that sprit going. I’m sure you’d be secretly hoping that going to a Scottish uni would help him develop an appreciation for a good whiskey so that you could drink it with him.

I know a part of me is hoping that he will. Then again, I already have to worry about him stealing my beers, I’m not sure I want to have to worry about him stealing my whiskey as well.

Love you always,

Sophie x


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