This year has felt long, it’s felt like the longest year I’ve ever lived. In fact I’ve taken to joking that it’s the never ending year. Obviously I know that time physically cannot actually move slower, but I think that the simple fact that I’ve done so much this year and been through so many changes, that this year has ended up feeling so much longer than merely 365 days. And as cheesy as it may sound, I do actually feel like a completely different person to who I was at the start of the year.
It’s weird to look back on where I was this time last year. I was working two different jobs, neither of which I’m still working at, I was working 40 odd hour weeks and burning myself out at both ends trying to keep both happy. It wasn’t that I didn’t like the jobs that I was working, but I have to be honest and say that I didn’t love them either. But a job is a job, it allowed me to travel and do some pretty cool stuff at the start of the year, and it gave me some very valuable experiences.
However, I’m now at a point going in to 2019 that I have a plan for my career. It’s going to be a long hard road to get there, and by that I mean that at best this time in four years time I’ll be just starting out in a career that I want. My worst case scenario? It takes me another eight years before I’m where I want to be. I’ll be almost 30. That’s a terrifying thing, and I think if I’d have known about it at 16 I would have done it back then, but as they say, hindsight is 20/20. I’m just glad to have a direction, a purpose, and some goals going in to this year.
This year has definitely been a year of experiences. I have travelled. A lot. Or at least it feels like a lot. I’ve been to London, Barcelona, Paris. Most of these trips have been for conventions, but I’ve also spent some time just exploring those places whilst I’ve been there. I’ve visited a lot of museums, and places of interest. Apparently I’m a giant nerd, who knew? I’ve also made friends, a lot of friends.
Most of them through conventions, or through fandoms on twitter. All of us nerds (sorry guys, no offence, you know I think nerds are awesome), and all of us with things in common. Mostly a shared love of really bad sci-fi shows and a lot of inappropriate humour. Though I have to make a shoutout to my Typos Are Tasty lot, who accepted me into their little group and made me feel like one of their own, to the point where none of us can remember when I joined or how I got there, we just feel like I’ve been there forever, like one of the family.
This year my mental health has also improved. I’m not sure if it’s 100% perfect just yet, but it is definitely so much better. I’m much more content, and happy, and stable. Instead of always looking back I’ve started to look forwards again. I no longer feel like I’m just floating around aimlessly, drifting along and letting life take me where it please. I feel like I’ve found something to grab on to, a future that I can see, that I want for myself. I feel grounded. I feel strong.
And for the first time since my Dad died, at the very end of this year, I had a moment where I thought I could die. And for the first time since my Dad died I was afraid to die. I wanted to stay, I had things that I wanted to stay alive for. I realised that I’m not finished yet. There are words and there are pages that are still to be written. I am not ready for my story to end just yet.
I think at the start of this year I only had one resolution, and that was to write my blog every Sunday. I have to admit that I haven’t hit every Sunday, but I have hit most Sundays. In fact I’ve hit 45 Sundays out of the 52 in the year, that’s an almost 87% success rate. It’s good, but I reckon next year I can do better. Next year I’ve gotta go for the full 100%. I’m even going to try getting some extra blog posts out here and there. If I’m honest, I’d really like to hit 100 followers. Start there. Work up.
That’s my theme for 2019, everything from here on out is upwards.
Hope you all have a good one.